||[Nov. 18th, 2005|12:23 am]
I never got the chance to know Johanna very well. My first, and last, conversation with her is one I'll never forget. We talked about boys; who to like, who was more work, and if that work was worth it. There's a lot of things in life that don't seem worth it. Some experiences just shouldn't have to happen. However, though Johanna I learned that the experiences we try the hardest not to feel can be the ones that make us grow the most. One chance conversation with her taught me so much.|
There's a song by Brand New with the lyrics: "And we'll stay like this forever, 'cause we'll stay eighteen forever," and for most of us that's how we live. I realize that most of us are no longer eighteen, but the mentality remains. In college nothing can touch us. We live in a surreal world where the most known events are what happened on Lauguna last night. We drink more than we should't and study less than we should because none of us can feel the consequences. For all practical purposes, we're invincible. Our super-human ability to stay constantly on the sunny side of life can lead to some dark spots. By reveling in our inablity to be hurt, we lose the ability to live. I know that I'm guilty of this, probably more so than a lot of you. I've risked what I love, my soul, and my spirit to things that now seem too trivial for words. Because I've acted so carelessly with my own life I've lost chances to connect with others. It is our vulnerability that makes us human, when we ignore that we lose so much. We lose times that we could have felt empathy, times that we could have loved more, and times that we could have been together instead of alone.
My conversation with Johanna, which doesn't seem like chance any more, made me stop and think. Jesus said that the weak will be made strong, not that the strong will made stronger. When we convince ourselves that we're invincible college students we refuse the power God wishes to give us. In our weakest moments God can give us the strength we need, but only if we admit that we need it. Through Johanna I realized that I am weak, that we all are. That no matter how hard we try, we won't stay eighteen forever. That despite our strongest attempts, God will always remain stronger, and that He is waiting for us to come and trust in Him.