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Jillian

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(no subject) [Apr. 13th, 2006|10:43 pm]
Jillian
"Cathy I'm lost," I said, though I knew she was sleeping
"I'm empty and acheing and I don't know why."
Counting the cars on the New Jersey turnpike,
They've all come to look for America...

My friends are all down in Nick's room playing Catchphrase, which is one of my favorite games and I can't be in there. I'm just panicing. Maybe the room's too hot or there's too many people in there, or my blood sugar still isn't back to normal, or I turned from an extrovert to a person who's always caught off gaurd. I can't do it anymore, I'm so afraid. Until now I have never understood blind fear. It's not like when you're afraid there's something in the dark. This enters your body and freezes your mind and steals your breath away from you. I don't know where I'm going anymore, I don't even know why I'm crying.
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(no subject) [Mar. 24th, 2006|01:01 am]
Jillian
Midterms are so much worse than finals. During finals you know exactly what time your test is at the beginning of the semester, and there's always a day or two between your next few tests. But with midterms your profs decide to make everything done within the same two days. Honestly how is one supposed to keep up with it all?

I'm the music director/choreographer for the musical at Sioux Falls Christian with Josh, and I'm pretty much dominating. The play is "Hollywood Hillbillies" and features such smashing lyrics as: "Folks 'kin' come/Folks 'kin' go/Kinfolk always welcome." However, we do sweet hiphop and Fosse, so the dancing way exceeds the musical expectations.
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(no subject) [Jan. 29th, 2006|09:25 pm]
Jillian
Merry Second Christmas!!

At least, that's what it feels like. I just spent the weekend traveling to both of my grandparent's houses and seeing all of my cousins (including the ones that live out of state) and eating more food than I actually did on December 25th.

I LOVE J-term break! I'm not doing anything for the first time in over a year. I'm happily spending my days trying to remember how to ice skate and reading the Chronicles of Narnia which I made my mother buy me because she so meanly sold them at a yard sale years ago without my permission.

If anybody's around within the next week give me a call!
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(no subject) [Jan. 18th, 2006|11:28 am]
Jillian
Last night I some how managed to fall hard-core asleep at 6:00 PM, so I woke up at 4:30 and started my day off right by watching "A League of Their Own" and starting a paper and working at the theatre for hours and hours. I will most likely crash at about 8:00 tonight, which would be a pity because Skating with Celebrities starts at 8 and I don't want to miss it.

My J-term class of "Improv" ends in three days and with it goes the best class ever. We spend a majority of every class period playing various versions of tag. And, because of improv I will now be wittier, funnier, and more popular, so my social life will soar....I'll get more party invitations, be more admired, and have the entire world at my feet. Well, that may not all be entirely true, but we'll see what comes out of it.

You are a

Social Liberal
(60% permissive)

and an...

Economic Liberal
(10% permissive)

You are best described as a:

Socialist




Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid
Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test
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(no subject) [Nov. 18th, 2005|12:23 am]
Jillian
I never got the chance to know Johanna very well. My first, and last, conversation with her is one I'll never forget. We talked about boys; who to like, who was more work, and if that work was worth it. There's a lot of things in life that don't seem worth it. Some experiences just shouldn't have to happen. However, though Johanna I learned that the experiences we try the hardest not to feel can be the ones that make us grow the most. One chance conversation with her taught me so much.

There's a song by Brand New with the lyrics: "And we'll stay like this forever, 'cause we'll stay eighteen forever," and for most of us that's how we live. I realize that most of us are no longer eighteen, but the mentality remains. In college nothing can touch us. We live in a surreal world where the most known events are what happened on Lauguna last night. We drink more than we should't and study less than we should because none of us can feel the consequences. For all practical purposes, we're invincible. Our super-human ability to stay constantly on the sunny side of life can lead to some dark spots. By reveling in our inablity to be hurt, we lose the ability to live. I know that I'm guilty of this, probably more so than a lot of you. I've risked what I love, my soul, and my spirit to things that now seem too trivial for words. Because I've acted so carelessly with my own life I've lost chances to connect with others. It is our vulnerability that makes us human, when we ignore that we lose so much. We lose times that we could have felt empathy, times that we could have loved more, and times that we could have been together instead of alone.

My conversation with Johanna, which doesn't seem like chance any more, made me stop and think. Jesus said that the weak will be made strong, not that the strong will made stronger. When we convince ourselves that we're invincible college students we refuse the power God wishes to give us. In our weakest moments God can give us the strength we need, but only if we admit that we need it. Through Johanna I realized that I am weak, that we all are. That no matter how hard we try, we won't stay eighteen forever. That despite our strongest attempts, God will always remain stronger, and that He is waiting for us to come and trust in Him.
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(no subject) [Nov. 5th, 2005|12:16 am]
Jillian
Let's make a resolution
Let's always stay friends.
Though we have our disputes,
This family tree has deep roots.
Friendship is thicker than blood,
That depends:
Depends on trust
Depends on true devotion
Depends on love
Depends on not denying emotion











It's something that gets harder to believe after a while.
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(no subject) [Oct. 6th, 2005|08:22 pm]
Jillian
I'm not sure where my life is going, but at least I'm along for the ride.


Remember these songs?

I'll get over you, I know I will. I'll pretend my heart's still beating.

In a day and a day love, I'm gonna be gone for good again.

If I had stopped to listen once or twice. If I had closed my mouth and opened my eyes. If I had cooled my head and warmed my heart; I'd not be on this road tonight.

Why do you do what you do to me baby? Shaking my confidence, driving me crazy.

I'm through accepting limits because someone says they're so. Some things I cannot change, but 'til I try I'll never know.
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(no subject) [Sep. 6th, 2005|12:51 pm]
Jillian
Here I am in the computer lab, with 10 minutes before class starts, trying to print off about 50 pages of text for my soc class tomorrow. *a word to the wise: if you're looking for easy classes, I'd suggest double majoring in comm and sociology. Right now I'm taking acting, English, interpersonal comm (dyadic conversations on various levels), advocacy and argumentation (debate) and deviance and social control (SOOOO fun!)*

I was going to tell about my kissing booth, but I ran out of time....let's just say it's going to be awesome
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(no subject) [Aug. 28th, 2005|04:47 am]
Jillian
How did we get here? How the hell, (pan left, close in on the steeple of the church) how did we get here?

How can a night so frozen be so scalding hot? How can a morning this mild feel so raw? Why are entire years strewn on the cutting room floor of memories?


How pathetic is it when a musical starts to feel deep and moving. I'm moved into school, almost done at IHOP, done at Chilis except for weekends, and missing Darren.

I hate missing him, I don't want to and its not worth it. The sad thing is, I know that; I just don't believe it yet.








Time may change me but I can't change time.
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(no subject) [Jul. 24th, 2005|05:13 pm]
Jillian
I'm back in Blaine for the weekend.

However, I'll prolly be gone before anybody realizes I'm back.

I drove up yesterday by myself, leaving Sioux Falls and its 104 (104!!!) degree weather behind me. Getting ready to leave was thrilling, I added oil to my car and read a map correctly all by myself!

Last night KK, Dad, and I watched One Hour Photo. Way way just weird and pretty disturbing. I saw Pirates today and it was crazy! I can't wait until I get to do it next year.

Anything else I wanted to say was made forgotten by the greatness of the Nightmare Before Christmas soundtrack.
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